Omg the Women's 10m Air Rifle is already over~! Start time was 8.30am instead of the usual 9.

Czech Republic's Katerina Emmons won the first gold of the Games with a perfect qualification score of 400/400, which equaled the World Record, and set a new Olympics Record. Her finals score was 103.5.

China's Du Li ranked 5th after finals, her qualification was 399/400 and finals was 100.6, a whole series of very low 10s and a 9.7.

I think 399 is probably Du Li's average, but the finals performance could really have been better... It's so unfortunate, I've no doubt that China was pinning on this to be the first gold of the Beijing Olympics Games.

Sigh.

While watching the Olympics opening last night I was actually going all over Katerina telling Jie Ying (my intern) how amazing she was, but I didn't even think of the possibility of Du Li losing this medal. She's that godlike~

I feel so sad. I guess it's a little personal since I'd trained under her national coach a few times when I used to go to Shanghai for winter trainings, their stories had always been so inspiring to me...

Haaaaaaiz. T_T

Now I'm watching the Live Results for Men's 10m Air Pistol qualification. Man I feel nervous just looking at it.

Oh oh oh Jason Turner just screwed up his 3rd series. *_*

Ahhhhh mum why didn't I go to Beijing with you to watch the Games. I wanna be there~~~ not here doing.. doing... DI.

Whyyyyy.

A tiny voice tells me, it's because I have to work and have no life. Not true~

Fine I shall camp out, and just watch the results page update itself.

*edit* 3.28pm
Men's 10m Air Pistol finals just ended. Omg qiangggg. China's 2nd Gold in the Games~~!

Pang Wei's final score 102.2 (that's like, damn high for pistol).

I spent a long time catching up with some of the only friends I had in air rifle.

I realized all the hate I'd ever gathered in my life were there and are still there.

I wish people will stop.

All she'd ever done her whole life was giving and forgiving.

Perhaps too naive for survival.

Perhaps, if I work hard enough, enough to more than just support the three of us for the years till my death, I can convince her to stop working, so I can stop hearing about all these things and never be reminded of those days again.

Another year.

The one of being 19 passed quickly, and I wish I'd had more time with it. There were the usual tears and pain, maybe a little lesser than years before. It had been fruitful, I survived.

For half of it I struggled to get better and stand up from where I fell in air rifle, and the other half was being swept into working life full time before I could stop it from happening, not that I'm complaining. I lived alone in Japan for one and a half months, pretty much cut myself off from people in Singapore, it's different living overseas all alone.

I made more important decisions for my life that people groaned and disagreed with, thank you for pushing the blame onto my mum, but sorry to let you know it only made us stronger and I despise you more.

I withdrew from air rifle and schooling, and air rifle had meant so much to me I never imagined the day I leave would be before 25 or 30. But this much focus and devotion I felt was needed and decided to give to my photography.

No regrets.

Still, so much insecurities, uncertainties. But I'm trying.

Such a year being 19.

Please, accept my utmost sincere thank yous from the bottom of my heart for your support, and continue to give me your guidance in this year as I turn 20.

Noah, thank you for loving me, and never giving up on trying to pull me out of the darkness. Our memories, I will hold them dear.

Jingna
04 05 08

My body feels abused. I had prone for the first 2 days until I feel so much tension pulled by the leather sling I can feel a dent in one of the bones in my left wrist, I'm thinking it will become permanent. So much pain. Had a good deal of standing this morning too, I can feel the rifle grinding my elbow into my body. Argh~~ Whoever invented the 3positions is definitely self-abusive.

Shopped at Platinum mall yesterday, stores started shutting down before I could finish the 2nd floor. -_- Ah well. It kinda sucks because most don't allow trying on, and my size is just too big to fit most clothes so it's really hard to tell without trying. Boo.

Found a Korean restaurant near the range with a nice baduk set. Too bad no one can play with me. The sound of stones is so beautiful. Maybe when I'm done with school I'll have some time to pick it up again.

Alright, I admit that I'd been spending time on Guilty Gear XX Accent Core and Dirge of Cerberus. It was just sort of irresistible when I saw them on the shelves, after not playing games for a while now, just listening to GGXX's bgm makes my heart race. Hmm. I kinda regret not buying Zone of the Enders II when I saw it the last time.

Ahhh i don't really care about how bad the reviews for Dirge of Cerberus were, Vincent Valentine's just so fcking gorgeous, it's a rather simple game, but still I like how there is progression and a good amount of cutscenes. Maybe the disappointment with FF12 still lingers. Although, to admit, initially, the impulse to get the game came upon seeing the trailer's credit ending with a long pulse on Gackt.

I wanna see SKIN, youtube is not enough. The guys may be getting old, but they were such inspiration to me. Yoshiki's needless to say, but Soundtrack (the movie starring Sugizo) had always had a huge impact on me. Even though I didn't understand Japanese, later on, I still bought the DVD and rewatched it a few times. There's this strange air about Sugizo that I really loved and it came from watching the movie instead of Luna Sea.

Today we had a morning workshop for the SEA Games contingent, dozed off a couple times, but even in my sleep, I think I caught on the words.

It made me think about something that I might have overlooked and left behind because of the pain from back then. It may be regrettable, which I'd so hate to admit since I try my best not to make decisions I'll regret later on for such major things; even though there wasn't so much any choices to begin with, but perhaps, deep in my heart, somewhere, it's possible that a part of me made the decision.

Back then it wasn't I who was weaker, the selection was just manipulated, as they still are now. But perhaps now that I've withdrawn myself from rifle more, I can look at the picture clearer, and feel oblivious to the pain.

After all, it has all became permanent. 5 long years, nothing of it will fade away. I can only try to move on, so nothing will repeat itself. I've no interest in opening or deepening my wounds with a knife.

Anyway... To make it up. I will be shooting and DIing like a mad person from tomorrow onward.

I'm having a stomach upset from the food taken on the last night when I was in Malaysia. No more seafood next time. T_T

Well at least I won individual and team silver for 50meters rifle prone~ wahahaa.

I'd been inspired to draw again, after meeting with kidchan, toounit, neversummer and norli there. I think I might do a small set... When I find the time.

I haven't photographed for more than two weeks because of the competition in Malaysia, it feels like such a long time... and guess what~ a huge photo of me was on the giant banner near the entrance of the carpark at the venue (i can't believe sneaky people took photos of me while i was shooting!).

By the 3rd day everyone in the team was like, "hey Jingna! did you see the poster in the carpark? you're on it! huge!"

It'd feed my ego but I looked so fugly. Hahahhaa ah well.

I've so much to catch up with school it's almost impossible. Argh. People really upset me these days, all those unethical things... every. bloody. where.

Ah turns out I can't shoot at the monthly shoot because even though I'm back in Singapore, my smalbore rifle is still stuck in the US. Hahhaa. ^^;